Going through a divorce or a breakup is hard – but trying to get back to your normal self after it is all over is even harder. Things are worst if your divorce or breakup was a nasty one. Funny thing is that the split happens because the relationship was falling apart and it is till painful to let it go. What women usually do to cope with going through the emotional roller coaster that follows is closing themselves and finding comfort in drinking wine, eating tons of chocolate or whole bags of chips. Ok, this might help a bit but can’t go on forever. You must try to find a way to get back your life and learn how to trust people again and how to trust love again. From therapy and books to testimonials of women who managed to cope – here are 7 Tips to Help You Deal With a Divorce or Breakup…
1. Allow yourself time to fully recover
You might not believe it at the moment – but time heals every wound. You mustn’t and cannot rush your recovery after going through a divorce or breakup. Don’t try to fight back your feelings – let it all out. Anger, sadness, fear, confusion it is normal to have mixed emotions. Working through your emotions will actually help you find yourself in a better place after the recovery period is over.
2. Cancel your plans and put down your phone
You had so many plans before the divorce drama hit you – now is not the best time to go on with them. Just forget about everything and live for the moment. Another smart thing to do is NOT to call your ex in attempt to try and save the relationship. Yes, you have to talk if you have children but leave the talk to that issue only.
3. Reach out for help
You are not alone! Always have that on mind. Ask the support of your friends – that is what friends are for. If your friends are not enough get professional help in the form of therapy (counselor or support group) Another smart thing to do is start new friendships. Get involved in community groups, volunteer, take a class or similar. You must find a way to open up to people about how you feel – just try to find the right one and do it to the right people that will listen and not judge.
4. Have Hope
It is not easy to stay positive when you are not happy – but you mustn’t loose hope. You deserve to be happy and loved once again and you will be. It will happen eventually and you will be scared but you will learn how to embrace it and be whole again. Don’t start dating right away – it takes from 6-18 months to truly recover so give yourself the time.
5. Learn from the breakup
You will first need to forgive yourself and your partner. Start believing that this is how things supposed to be and it’s no ones fault. In order to do this you have to understand what happened and what lead to the breakup. Start with your mistakes – acknowledge them in order to improve yourself. Be honest with yourself. Than figure out why you chose your partner, what were his negative characteristics and what were his mistakes. Understanding this will protect you from being burn again.
6. Keep Distance between You & Your Ex
When loneliness creeps you – DON’T call your ex. It is smart to fully cut ties between the two of you by deleting his phone, de-friending him on all social networks, throw away all his photos. Don’t even try to spy on him after the divorce or break up. It is important to give yourself at least 6 months of time without him – if you have kids than the only contact you have should be concerning them. This is the only way to recover and the only way you could start some-what normal and friendly relationship with your ex after recovering.
7. Take Good Care of Yourself
Going through a difficult split can not only harm you psychologically but also physically. After all it is a stressful and life changing event. It is most important not to forget to take care of yourself in the process. Reduce your workload, eat well, exercise and get lots of rest. Try relaxing massages, creative classes, yoga, meditation – whatever relaxes us. Use every free second to do things you enjoy like listening to music, walking in nature, reading etc. Forget about alcohol and anti-depressants, you are a STRONG woman and you can deal with it like one!
Good luck and remember – your life doesn’t end with your relationship!